It's No Different.. Or Maybe It Is

I fell in love with Micah the moment I found out I was pregnant! I didn't know yet if he was a he or she though I felt like he was indeed a little boy. In the early stages of pregnancy, the only thing I knew about him was that he made me feel awful.. well, the hormones did, but you know what I mean. :-) Until I felt movement, I knew nothing about him.. not even gender yet. It wasn't long before I knew a bit of his sleeping patterns and what foods made him kick around. And he had the hiccups a lot. I loved his movements and hiccups. I miss that.

But I didn't know him. Not at all. I had no idea what his favorite color(s) would be. What his voice would sound like. I didn't know if he'd enjoy sports. Whether or not he'd love swimming or be scared of the water. I didn't know if he'd like to learn or what his favorite subjects would be. Would he be a picky eater or like everything like his mommy & daddy? I didn't know if he would be introverted or extroverted. I didn't know what color his hair or eyes would be.

But I loved him so much. Without needing to know anything about him. That's a mother's love. Fierce and unconditional.

Then came Levi. We waited for our next baby via domestic infant adoption. I had no idea whether God would choose to add a boy or girl to our family. I had no idea where this baby would be born. Maybe our baby would be born in another state. (He was.) What race would he be? Would his biological family want contact or no? WHEN would this baby be born?! Not even a due date. And like with Micah, I knew NOTHING about what this child would be like. Absolutely nothing.

And yet I loved this child, too. Way before I knew anything about him. I didn't need to know anything about him. Love. I loved him anyway.

So when someone asks or questions how I can love these two girls who I've never met... well, I loved my boys before I met them, too!

But with the girls, I actually know what they look like and where they are! I know their birth months. Their names. I know a little tiny bit about the oldest. She loves literature and dancing. And cooking. She's an average student. Both girls are beautiful with gorgeous smiles. They have HIV and the stigma that comes with that follows them. They're orphaned. They don't have families. I don't know much else. I don't know much of anything about their personalities or interests. I don't know what makes them tick. I don't know what they enjoy eating. Or if they'll enjoy swimming or be afraid of the water. I don't know if they'll like having their pictures taken. I don't know much.

But I know that God has brought us to them. And I know I LOVE them. With everything in me. To the point of tears more days than not.

And I have no delusions that this will be easy. I expect this journey to have a LOT of hurdles. A lot of ups and downs and frustrations. I expect hard. But I hope we can laugh at each other trying to pronounce words in foreign languages. I hope sometimes smiles and hugs and tears will say all that needs to be said. I hope that even if they don't or can't love us for a while, that they'll trust us. And I hope they'll know and feel our love.

Because I love them. Even though I don't know them.

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