There isn't a day that goes by in which I'm not thankful to be a mother to my sweet boys. I was honored and celebrated today, but for me, I'm grateful for motherhood everyday... even on the days I want to run away from the screaming, whining, disobedience and never-ending poop.
Even on those days, the literal and figurative poopy ones, I'm grateful. Because I remember a time when I longed every.single.day to be a mom. When I cried more tears than I knew my body could produce. When I cried through church on Mother's Day in 2006 because I'd lost two babies and felt a whole in my heart.. and in my stomach. And when in 2007 we didn't even go to church because I'd then lost three babies, and the thought of hearing about moms that morning sounded like sheer torture.
But in 2008 I was able to celebrate Mother's Day with my infant son. It was wonderful but honestly not much more special than any other day because I was just to thrilled to finally be a mommy.
2009 was the Mother's Day my hair was growing back, and we had no idea what the future held.
In 2010 I was certain there was a 'problem,' and I would be diagnosed with infertility in a matter of weeks.
2011 was my last Mother's Day with one child. I had a great day last year celebrating with Micah and knowing in God's time I would have another child through the blessing of adoption. I longed for another child but had such peace that He was in control and was able to enjoy the day without the emptiness.
And today. I was able to celebrate with two amazing little boys. Two boys who call me Mommy (or Honey about half the time if your name is Micah).
But I will never forget the longing years. The painful, tear filled years when Mother's Day was easily one of the worst of the year. To those of you in this place, you are not forgotten. Whether you're starting your TTC journey, have been on the path for years and facing another IUI or IVF or the decision whether or not to continue treatments.. whether you're weighing the options of domestic or international adoption or foster care/foster to adopt... whether you have a child(ren) but hope for another.. wherever you are on your path to motherhood, my heart goes out to you and my thoughts are with you. And know you are loved. You are loved by Him, the ultimate healer, the One who has a perfect plan for your life, the One who will not withhold any good thing from you.
So Happy Mother's Day. To all mothers. Ones who've watched their children grow and leave home. Ones with children at home. And most of all, the ones waiting to hold that special little someone.
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