His Faithfulness

Just as I forgot to post about how we came up with Levi's name last summer, there is something else that I meant to post last summer that I forgot about. I want to post it now because it really is pretty awesome and something I don't want to forget.

Yesterday was Levi's nine month birthday. Nine months ago today is the day we learned of him.

Exactly one year before learning about Levi, I made this post. It had been almost two weeks since we'd learned of our infertility and I was ready to share. That day, July 19, 2010, I had no idea what the future held for our family. But I knew God had a plan for us, and I trusted in His faithfulness.

I stated in that post that the day we learned of our infertility 13 days prior, when I got in the car to leave the infertility clinic, the first thing I heard were the lyrics to song of my favorite songs:

"You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You"

I clung to those lyrics. To the truth of the lyrics.

On July 24, 2012 when Levi was just six days old, Luke left Levi's birth state to come back to NC to work, and I stayed back with Micah so I could visit Levi daily. The next day I went to the NICU for the first time by myself. It was the first day I felt the sole responsibility of juggling my two boys.. It was impossible for me to be with them both at the same time. Micah was not allowed in the NICU, and obviously, Levi wasn't leaving. My heart was torn. Micah was having a hard time. He needed me. Levi needed me. We both needed bonding time. He needed to be held, cuddled, talked to and loved. Micah needed the same. Daddy had just left for who knows how long. Mommy had left him with people who were essentially strangers (though he quickly fell in love with Mrs. Norma, Mr. Voy (Roy), Elaine, Dave and Little Bug, and they were a HUGE godsend and help to us). I left for the NICU that day and cried on my way there.

I enjoyed my time with Levi that day as I always did. I don't recall whether or not I thought much about Micah. I tended not to think about him too much when I was there and just poured myself into Levi when I was with him and poured myself into Micah when I was with him.

When I left the hospital, again I felt torn. The nurses and staff were fantastic, but I hated leaving him. But I had to. Micah needed me.

I got into the van that night, and I kid you not, as soon as I started the engine, I heard

 "You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You"

The same song. In the exact same place. I broke down in tears.

I don't remember if this is exactly what I thought, but it was something like this: "God, I know this isn't going to be easy. This is probably going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. And I have no idea how long I'll be doing this. But I know You're in control. Just hold onto us. Take care of us. Give us strength. Thank You for the reminder that You are faithful. You are always faithful. You've brought us this far and were faithful to give us this precious boy. We're all in Your hands."

So thankful for the little things God gives and shows me to remind me of who He is. He is good and faithful!!

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