July 6, 2010

This time of year, June & July, are a lot of my 'milestones' if you will.

One year ago today Luke and I sat in the RE's office as we were told we wouldn't be able to have another biological child. Like with the cancer, I knew in my heart that was the diagnosis we'd received, but that knowledge didn't take away the pain. That feeling like I'd been punched in the stomach and couldn't breathe. My reactions and more specifics are found here.

I had no idea what this would mean for our family. I knew there were other ways to grow our family. Or maybe we'd have a family of three. We'd done the research. We'd already been praying. And we continued both the research and prayer.. mostly prayer.

This was always God's plan for us. Our news of infertility didn't shock Him. It didn't catch Him off guard. He hadn't forgotten us. And like He always has been and always will be, He was faithful to heal our hearts and wounds.  And as you know, he quickly turned our hearts to adoption.

Pregnancy was once a desire as strong as the one to have a child. It certainly was a year ago today. That is no longer the case. I don't cringe or cry when I hear of someone becoming pregnant. I can look at a baby belly and genuinely smile. I can go to a baby shower without fighting tears and actually enjoy myself. I no longer have a strong desire to carry a baby again. *IF* I were to ever miraculously become pregnant, I'd welcome it. Be excited. Rejoice. Praise Him! Pray!

But that season of my life is over as far as I'm concerned.

Now I just eagerly wait to see who He will bring into our family.... and when. :-)

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