An Unexpected Friendship: How I Met Elaine

It was March 8, only four days after we were officially actively waiting to be matched with a birth mother. I’d had a bit of a stressful day with Micah, and by the time Luke got home I had a pretty awful headache, so I went to lie down.

A few minutes later I heard the phone ringing and had no intention of talking to whoever it might be should it be for me. Luke came up stairs and said it was my friend, Jennifer and that the attorney she’d worked with during her son’s adoption had two situations and desperately needed adoptive families! I called the attorney immediately and we decided to pursue one of the babies, a baby girl due in June.

That evening while on Facebook, Jennifer began a chat conversation with me stating that she really needed to tell me something. She’d also shared the information about the two babies with her friend, Elaine. My first response was simply that if the baby we were pursing was to be our baby, she would be. If she was meant to be Elaine’s, she would be. The number of potential adoptive couples this girl was to see did not matter; the ‘stats’ don’t matter. God is in control, and I was completely content knowing that. I shared that with Jennifer and was told her friend Elaine had responded in the same way.

The next few days were mostly silent when it came to communication with the attorney, but nightly, I would chat with Jennifer and ask if Elaine had heard anything. If I didn’t ask immediately, Jennifer was usually asking me on Elaine’s behalf, and we were able to learn a few things about this situation with Jennifer as the middle man.

Jennifer was glad to play this role for us and was praying for both of us just as Elaine and I were praying for our own families, each other and the birth mother.

But something inside me really wanted to talk to Elaine. I needed to talk to her. So I asked Jennifer if it was ok with Elaine for me to ‘friend’ her (a bit middle schoolish maybe?). Elaine sent back an emphatic “YES!” Elaine had been wanting to talk to me as well, but like me, wasn’t sure if I’d want to talk to her.

Elaine and I began corresponding on Facebook, mostly chatting about our common situation and anything that one of us may have learned from our attorney that the other did not know.

Our relationship quickly evolved from one of a shared interest in this baby girl. We learned that we had many common interests, parenting ideas and habits. Even our husbands had some similarities! Most importantly we share a deep faith in God. We fervently prayed for each other, and though she wanted this baby girl as badly as I did, she continued to encourage me.

For reasons I can’t explain on such a public blog, after much waiting and back and forth business between us (Luke & I and well as Elaine and her husband), the attorney and the birth mother, this birth mother eventually decided not to work with our attorney, and both Elaine and I were told not to expect to hear anything else about the situation.

Elaine and I knew that if this baby was indeed meant to be one of ours that this was only a bump in the road and God was in total control. We were both at peace with the news and whatever, if anything, was to happen.

Our friendship continued to grow, and I was able to learn so much from about adoption as she and her husband adopted a little girl, Little Bug (her blog name) two years ago. She gave me tons of great advice and insight. But most importantly, we continued to pray for each other and encourage one another through our own waiting and just in life in general.

A few weeks went by and Elaine decided to speak with the attorney who had done her daughter’s adoption. The attorney told Elaine of a situation that had just come up. After hearing about this birth mother and putting a bunch of facts together, Elaine knew it was the same girl! The one who’d left the attorney we were both working with!! Elaine blogged about that here and here.

I was elated!! Yes, I wanted this baby girl. Very much. But I knew better than to attach myself to her (or any baby we’ve been or will be aware of) unless and until an official match was/is made. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t sad for a few minutes. Not that this baby girl wasn’t mine.. just wanting my turn, too. But within a few minutes, those feelings were gone, and I was simply thrilled for Elaine and in awe of God and his majesty!!

In early May, just before Elaine was officially matched with this birth mother (who she later learned is actually due in July/August and not June), Elaine shared with me that she and her family would be driving through the city I live in on the way to their family’s cabin!

We HAD to meet. We just had to.

And so we did. We met at a Panera on May 14th. I met Little Bug, her husband, brother, parents, an aunt and her grandmother. The family couldn’t have been more welcoming or sweeter. They embraced me, and talking with them was so easy and natural. I felt like I’d known them forever.

Our meeting was short but wonderful.

Elaine and I continue to chat nearly daily. She has become one of my dearest friends. She encourages me in my faith, prays for me and genuinely cares about my soul and walk with Jesus. And we have fun, too – laughing and just talking about life, our kids, the upcoming arrival of Sweet Pea (the new baby girl’s blog name) and of course, adoption. There are also some random things we share that again, due to the public nature of our blogs, we’ve agreed not to disclose, but these ‘little things’ are just too cool and make our story that much more amazing and a testimony to God and who He is and what He can do!!

I would’ve never imagined that one of my closest and most treasured friends could and would be someone who was my ‘competition,’ who wanted the same baby girl I did, who never had to reach out to me or talk to me AT ALL? How unlikely!! How amazing!! How perfect is His plan!!

God is mysterious. I continue to be in awe of Him. I’m grateful for Jennifer introducing us and thankful for her! I also thank God for Elaine and what she means to me and for the amazing friendship we so quickly yet deeply formed.

I pray our friendship is a lifelong one, and I believe it will be. Actually, it’ll be eternal.

**To read Elaine's version of our story, click here. And as a side note, we didn't read each other's 'til the other had written and published. It was fun to see her perspective!**

Tweet