Tomorrow's the day

Tomorrow is my mastectomy. Those are 4 words I never imagined myself thinking, saying or typing, and I can't believe that it's here. I still dread it with every ounce of my being. I'm not concerned about the surgery itself but the weeks and months following. I've not thought much about it today as I just shut my brain off to all things cancer. The times it's come to mind, I've fought back tears, but I'm sure they'll flow tonight and tomorrow as I wash my breast in the shower and see it for the last time when I put on my hospital gown. I'll miss those 3 little stretch marks Micah caused. Never thought I'd think that either! My breasts may be a bit saggy from breastfeeding and they're certainly not perfect, but they're mine.. and now I'll only have one. And I may only have my right one for a little while longer.. we'll see on Nov 10 when I get my gene test results. I cried myself to sleep last night as I have many nights recently; I'm sure tonight will be no exception. I hope tomorrow night I'm too drugged to think or cry.

The sugery is at 1:00 and should last about 1-1.5 hours. Luke will update my blog at some point tomorrow afternoon but probably not until I'm admitted and in a room, so about an hour once surgery is over.

Please pray all goes well. Pray for my surgeron Dr. Turk. Pray that when he checks my lymph nodes that they are free of cancer. Pray for me... especially for my emotional and mental self. That's the hard part right now.

I'm thankful for my life. I'm thankful I have a very treatable cancer. But I'm still grieving the loss of my breast and having a hard time accepting it. I hope I can accept the new me more easily than I feel like I will.

See you on the other side.

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